I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
