Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
