I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
