True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
