were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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