Well apparently he's into motor boating.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
