At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
