rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
