last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
