We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
