Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
