The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
