quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
