I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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