I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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