real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
