Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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