I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
