He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
