He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
