True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
