The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
