So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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