I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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