I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
