You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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