my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
