All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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