He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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