So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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