how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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