i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
