The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize