you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
