Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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