There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
