Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
