Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
