Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
