you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
