Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
