Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
