She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
