So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
