I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
