Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
