note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
