Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
