Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
