He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
