the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No subtext here. People are naked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
