Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
