There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
