I am in a vortex of obligation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
